Bethany's Blog

My waking thoughts at 5:30 this morning definitely involved fretting. (If you have to ask why a woman who is 11 days past due is up that early, then you be clueless :)). At this point every day feels like a week. I have tried every natural induction method under the sun to induce labor. It's not without effort and striving and changing providers mid-pregnancy and sort of at the end, and reading and writing here,  that I've been able to get to 11 days overdue without the pressure to be sectioned. I never understood until now the kind of raw brokenness and dependence upon God that a woman like me needs when she is this  overdue with a baby and waiting a trial of labor after cesarean. I have never before felt so helpless, vulnerable, disappointed in myself and my body, and discouraged. I'm finally at the point where I've done ALL I can and I hold it before God with an open palm and let Him do what He may. He wants good things for me cuz He's a good God, and tha

Yesterday (Thursday) I had a non-stress test and little baby looks and acts wonderfully healthy and has more than enough fluid to swim in. David and I also got to chat with the midwife Beth for quite a while about all our options, since I'll be 42 weeks on Tuesday.  Yes. I discovered since my previous, cynical post that according to my first and most accurate ultrasound, I really was 40 weeks on December 17th. The only logical conclusions are that 1) I either take longer to make babies or 2) some kind of deeply embedded fear is keeping me from going into labor (Ina May). David's mom put it well when she said that I have been "striving" a lot in this pregnancy, fighting for a VBAC. Reading and researching and persuading and explaining to friends and family... Also dreading possible fights with either a Dr or nurse during delivery or at appointments.  Above is me at the appointment, in my favorite humongously tacky Snoopy shirt. Anyway about my appointment yesterday. Be

I wish I wouldn't have let our mixed-up obstetrical care system squeeze me into their mold from the beginning of this pregnancy. Some random German OB decides in the early 1800s that all pregnancies last 40 weeks, and today's OBs still go by that? And apparently all they need to do is spin a little wheel made of card stock paper and they know the exact day baby should come or when baby will be too late; when baby has to be "saved" by ironically unhelpful interventions of artificial hormones and medically unnecessary inductions. First of all my cycles were always 32-40 days in length, since I was 12 when they started. When charting a few years ago, I never ever ovulated before day 18 of the cycle. Further, it varied with each cycle so much that I never knew when the next was coming. I don't even know for sure when my last cycle started before I got pregnant this time!  Thus my due date for this pregnancy is WAY off! What's worse is that it's been pounded in

This week is my "due date". I put it in quotes because no one really knows this kid's due date like we did with my first :) Also, I'm pretty sure my body wants more than 40 weeks to finish making baby boy, or baby wants more time to get fat. Or maybe both!  A lot has happened since I wrote the 4th installment of my adventure into new medical territory! First, a couple weeks after my last entry I got a nasty and very painful kidney stone (35weeks at the time) which sent me to the hospital with uncontrollable dry heaving, dehydration, unrelenting back pain and a few contractions coming from it all. Since we didn't figure out til the end of the ordeal (2.5 days later) what was actually happening, it was scary at the time! But once I passed a stone I knew things would be fine. I came out of that time with a renewed confidence in my ability to tolerate pain, a new thankfulness for being clothed and in my right mind (Demerol and hospital gowns.. Haha) and with firsthand