Bethany's Blog

Carson's prognosis? Only God knows. Will he ever be able to hold a job, go to college or have a family? Only God knows. Though he continues to progress and grow in most areas, in others he is not. But one thing is certain: the kid is HAPPY. 24/7 a room without a roof. I'm proud of him and who he is. He is perfect and I wouldn't change a thing. That is a cliche, yet in my grieving moments it's what my heart is bursting with! It's like he walks through the world wearing 3D glasses only he can have, and because of this, small and seemingly meaningless actions become exciting and amazing -- so of course they must be repeated!  I've decided to enjoy repeating the alphabet (for the past 2 years), or lines from his favorite show in a meaningless context, or sympathizing with the importance he places in running through the gaps in the bushes that line our driveway over and over, day in and day out. I know that he seeks certain sensory experiences because his receptors t

I'm having to temporarily set aside the series on Christian apostasy or the mommy blogging or any other amateur attempts I had at blogging! I've had so much going on and more important happenings and much higher priorities than trying to change people's minds when I can't even see their faces. The faces of the three people that matter the most to me are the only faces I recognize now. They are the only faces that matter to me.  My dear husband's bearded face is minutes from snoring next to me in bed. He just finished his second week in management for Amazon Fulfillment here in Atlanta and he loves it! Finally. Finally not third shift. Finally not sixty hours a week. Finally he's not spending more time with coworkers than with his wife and children. Finally a chance to fulfill his dream of having a hobby farm.  My firstborn. He is the square peg we've been trying to pound into the round hole all his little life. He's on the

So, I get that Christian blogging against 50 Shades of Grey this weekend can be seen in two lights: saving our culture from corruption, or on the flipside, getting entangled in a peripheral issue that distracts from the Gospel of Jesus Christ. No one is going to be saved or damned by merely watching a BDSM porn movie. I get that. And that's not what Christians are trying to say anyway. But what I think many people forget is that we are all slaves. Sin is not a popular word and I think it's definition has slipped through the cracks. Sin is anything a person thinks, says, or does that breaks the God's law. "Thou shalt not commit adultery" - looks at a person to think about sex - bam, law broken. "Thou shalt not kill" - gets super angry at someone and hates them - bam, law broken. We all break God's law; if not in our actions, at least in our thoughts. It is a sickness that lives in all of our hearts, despite our efforts to eradicate it. Sin has a

As I mentioned in my first post  in this series, some Millennials who have left Church or God or both have taken great pains to advertise their apostasy online. Many claim that Church is their biggest reason for leaving Church, the worst offender being conservative evangelicalism. Here's what they have against Church: They are not diverse enough. They are culturally irrelevant. They have no respect for the arts. They allow for abuse to go unchecked. Their music is outdated. They prooftext and distort the Bible. They worship the Bible over God. They have failed the LGBT community. They are anti-woman and sexist. They make an idol of family. They alienate singles, single parents, blended families, divorced people. They are all Republican. Nobody is authentic about their sins. They judge and compare each other. They focus too much on sin. They are only about keeping up appearances. They turn dogmas into doctrine. They are hypocrites. They spank their kids too mu

Consider this the first in a series of blog posts about apostates and their teachings. What is an apostate? An apostate is someone who renounces a religious or political belief or principle. Specifically I will be blogging about Christian apostates and their teachings. I may also write about "big" or "small" apostasies: some people say they are no longer a Christian. Others say they are a Christian but don't believe in traditional, orthodox Christianity.  There are many Christian apostates in my generation (the Millenials). At least it appears that there are many, as they are very vocal in social networking. They are the ones about whom the Boomers are all up-in-arms. They are apparently leaving the Church in droves. Boomer parents feel like failures. They are torn up and hurt over it.  What about the other Millenials? The ones who are staying in Church. Who call themselves Christians, even evangelicals. Some of them have children of their own. Will

I've given my blogging a lot of thought and prayer and been through many phases of blogging in the past ten years. I think it's important for me to examine why I do this, because words can do a lot of harm or a lot of good. As I grow personally and spiritually, I learn more about myself and more about God. Or rather, he reveals more of himself to me by the Holy Spirit, who lives in me as he does any Christian....  I know I don't have anything over anyone who reads this. I have an undergrad Bible and music degree, so that can count for something maybe. But I'm still young. I know I have a lot to learn. And surely when I read more professional and polished blogs I am thoroughly impressed. So why do I blog? In short, because I feel that God has given me a passion and gift for writing and reading. I've always had a journal, just because I wanted to, since I was in 1st or 2nd grade. Not only do I have this desire to write, but I've always feared sharing some of w

I was recently at a Christian talk for women where the speaker said, "If you don't know how you've sinned today, you need to get on your knees and ask God to show you your sin... We can't be right with God unless we confess our sin." Then she went on to her next point. As soon as these words came out of her mouth I was honestly upset. Her words were said with great emphasis and passion, as if it would solve life's problems. And honestly, I was actually upset because these words encapsulate the desperation and despair that used to strain my relationship with God. I've heard countless well-meaning preachers and teachers encourage healthy introspection. I had always taken this exhortation very seriously, even to the extreme — think "Martin-Luther-battling-it-out-with-Satan-in-a-cold-confession-booth" extreme. In college I reached a point of despair and serious questioning of God's existence because of it. There is a demonic subtlety to

I absolutely love nursing/rocking Jase to sleep. But while I was pregnant with Carson (my oldest) I had resolved never to do that as a mom because of my devotion to a book, On Becoming Babywise. I say devotion in it's fullest sense; I had read the book at least three times, not counting re-reading applicable chapters. My copy was marked up. I made helpful charts of the material. I read blogs by Babywise moms religiously. I passionately recommended it to pregnant friends. But when the rubber met the road is when the book was truly put to the test. Babywise claims that nursing to sleep is bad for several reasons; most importantly that a child must learn to be independent of mom, especially when going to sleep, so that mom can sleep and be a better mom. Ezzo's intentions are good in saying this (caring for mom, which I wholly believe in) but I have since come to believe that this book is wrong.  Other claims made in Babywise  are that the child will learn to eat t

I'm going to be vulnerable because Ive kind of reached a point where I am letting go the pursuit of an amazing reputation. I'm not as spiritual as I thought I was. I'm not the great parent I thought I was. I'm dependent on Him and that's kind of all there is to it these days. Anyhoo I thought I was doing so well, but then when stressful circumstances combined with Jase screaming his new and improved screeching inconsolable cry of desperation happened on the same weekend, the angry Hulk inside of me appeared again. (nobody was or ever has been hurt, fyi) It is so hard to be so pathetic right now. Some people have no idea what it is like to have PPD but it is truly humbling. Be careful when you think you stand, lest you fall! The best part of all of this is that these days I want to read the Bible. I hunger for the truth about God. It's very refreshing. I haven't hungered for the Living Water like this for about 7 years. But with 2014 came spiritual r