PPD sucks


I'm going to be vulnerable because Ive kind of reached a point where I am letting go the pursuit of an amazing reputation. I'm not as spiritual as I thought I was. I'm not the great parent I thought I was. I'm dependent on Him and that's kind of all there is to it these days.

Anyhoo I thought I was doing so well, but then when stressful circumstances combined with Jase screaming his new and improved screeching inconsolable cry of desperation happened on the same weekend, the angry Hulk inside of me appeared again. (nobody was or ever has been hurt, fyi)

It is so hard to be so pathetic right now. Some people have no idea what it is like to have PPD but it is truly humbling. Be careful when you think you stand, lest you fall!

The best part of all of this is that these days I want to read the Bible. I hunger for the truth about God. It's very refreshing. I haven't hungered for the Living Water like this for about 7 years. But with 2014 came spiritual renewal by God's Holy Spirit. He guides, comforts, convicts, prays, urges, and calms me.

Jesus is real. He came for the broken, not for the whole. A doctor for the sick, not the healthy. I'm broken and sick, and I'm tight with God. What about you?

Update 1/7: Jase had an ear infection.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why do parents take a bazillion pictures of their kids?

Image
Above is pictured the camera roll on my phone. And if you follow me on Instagram it looks about the same! I could look at and photograph these faces all day. But why? I've lost count of the complaints or expressions of bewilderment from people who see all of these young parents like myself as we obsessively post picture after picture. Sometimes they will wrongfully take their bewilderment to the next level of judgment, looking down on us babymakers as overly sentimental, mentally ill, etc. etc... And usually these bewildered or annoyed friends are not yet parents.  So this blog post is for you, my dear non-parent friends! :) I know you think what you want of this crazy photo-diarrhea, but what I see here is a vast difference in worldview that I might try to reconcile in my writing here!  See, there is a fundamental shift that occurs on the day you become a parent, whether biologically or not. It came crashing down on me all at once on December 14th, 2011, the day I had a Cesarean s
Read more

What I've learned in the transition to two kids!

Image
Me taking the boys on a walk to maintain my sanity during witching hour which is just as bewitched as it sounds trust me Most of you readers probably have two or more kids, so I write this more for my own records. I've grown and been refined so much in this transition already. (Like for example that blogging isn't even on the back burner, it's on the counter getting cold. I think I've worked on this post 5 or 6 different times in minute increments) So maybe this post can help anyone who is making this transition! I had been told many of these things before, but true to my stubborn personality, I really just needed to learn them through experience to believe them. I love writing about what I learn and don't presume to teach you anything you don't already know!  Anyway here are the things I've learned in the first six months of having two kids, two boys, almost exactly two years apart..... 1) I have a lot to learn. (See below) 2) Do things
Read more

The Church's Many Flaws

Image
As I mentioned in my first post  in this series, some Millennials who have left Church or God or both have taken great pains to advertise their apostasy online. Many claim that Church is their biggest reason for leaving Church, the worst offender being conservative evangelicalism. Here's what they have against Church: They are not diverse enough. They are culturally irrelevant. They have no respect for the arts. They allow for abuse to go unchecked. Their music is outdated. They prooftext and distort the Bible. They worship the Bible over God. They have failed the LGBT community. They are anti-woman and sexist. They make an idol of family. They alienate singles, single parents, blended families, divorced people. They are all Republican. Nobody is authentic about their sins. They judge and compare each other. They focus too much on sin. They are only about keeping up appearances. They turn dogmas into doctrine. They are hypocrites. They spank their kids too mu
Read more