Bethany's Blog

Greetings from late night motherhood! I have Friends Season 2 streaming in the background, my husband is snoring and has to wake up in 4 hours to go to work, and my wet hair is tied up in a slightly mildewy microfiber towel. Our house just went on the market and my kids are both potty training. My husband and I are alternating work hours and childcare, working about 75 hours a week between us these days! So it's a perfect time to write a blog entry. Culturally, that is! I don't know about you but my heart is stirred almost daily by sad or touching stories, or shows like Parenthood re-runs and This Is Us. News about war on other continents or heroic stories of people with disabilities overcoming amazing odds. Raising a child on the autism spectrum and being hormonal from having two babies definitely softens my heart. I can barely shop at certain stores because I know they take advantage of horribly underpaid factory workers across the ocean. I'm amazed at how empath...

As I mentioned in my first post  in this series, some Millennials who have left Church or God or both have taken great pains to advertise their apostasy online. Many claim that Church is their biggest reason for leaving Church, the worst offender being conservative evangelicalism. Here's what they have against Church: They are not diverse enough. They are culturally irrelevant. They have no respect for the arts. They allow for abuse to go unchecked. Their music is outdated. They prooftext and distort the Bible. They worship the Bible over God. They have failed the LGBT community. They are anti-woman and sexist. They make an idol of family. They alienate singles, single parents, blended families, divorced people. They are all Republican. Nobody is authentic about their sins. They judge and compare each other. They focus too much on sin. They are only about keeping up appearances. They turn dogmas into doctrine. They are hypocrites. They spank their kids too mu...

Consider this the first in a series of blog posts about apostates and their teachings. What is an apostate? An apostate is someone who renounces a religious or political belief or principle. Specifically I will be blogging about Christian apostates and their teachings. I may also write about "big" or "small" apostasies: some people say they are no longer a Christian. Others say they are a Christian but don't believe in traditional, orthodox Christianity.  There are many Christian apostates in my generation (the Millenials). At least it appears that there are many, as they are very vocal in social networking. They are the ones about whom the Boomers are all up-in-arms. They are apparently leaving the Church in droves. Boomer parents feel like failures. They are torn up and hurt over it.  What about the other Millenials? The ones who are staying in Church. Who call themselves Christians, even evangelicals. Some of them have children of their own. Will ...

I was recently at a Christian talk for women where the speaker said, "If you don't know how you've sinned today, you need to get on your knees and ask God to show you your sin... We can't be right with God unless we confess our sin." Then she went on to her next point. As soon as these words came out of her mouth I was honestly upset. Her words were said with great emphasis and passion, as if it would solve life's problems. And honestly, I was actually upset because these words encapsulate the desperation and despair that used to strain my relationship with God. I've heard countless well-meaning preachers and teachers encourage healthy introspection. I had always taken this exhortation very seriously, even to the extreme — think "Martin-Luther-battling-it-out-with-Satan-in-a-cold-confession-booth" extreme. In college I reached a point of despair and serious questioning of God's existence because of it. There is a demonic subtlety to...

I'm going to be vulnerable because Ive kind of reached a point where I am letting go the pursuit of an amazing reputation. I'm not as spiritual as I thought I was. I'm not the great parent I thought I was. I'm dependent on Him and that's kind of all there is to it these days. Anyhoo I thought I was doing so well, but then when stressful circumstances combined with Jase screaming his new and improved screeching inconsolable cry of desperation happened on the same weekend, the angry Hulk inside of me appeared again. (nobody was or ever has been hurt, fyi) It is so hard to be so pathetic right now. Some people have no idea what it is like to have PPD but it is truly humbling. Be careful when you think you stand, lest you fall! The best part of all of this is that these days I want to read the Bible. I hunger for the truth about God. It's very refreshing. I haven't hungered for the Living Water like this for about 7 years. But with 2014 came spiritual r...

I'm going to be a little vulnerable as I write this and as I "come out" as you may call it. I think most of my friends know what's going on with me, but I really feel like sharing about how my relationship with God through Christ works alongside such emotional, deep struggles and hormonal imbalances. People who have not been depressed before (as in, clinical depression confirmed by a medical professional as I have been) have a difficult time being understanding of a fellow Christian who is depressed. They see it only as a sin issue or a spiritual issue. Even though I was taught in my own shortened version of Intro to Biblical Counseling to address the whole person including their physical issues, many who claim to be in the Biblical Counseling camp seem to ignore this when it comes to depression. But in the case of PPD, the physical aspects are essential  to consider.  In other words, while as a person who has this disorder/struggle, I am both personally respo...

Me taking the boys on a walk to maintain my sanity during witching hour which is just as bewitched as it sounds trust me Most of you readers probably have two or more kids, so I write this more for my own records. I've grown and been refined so much in this transition already. (Like for example that blogging isn't even on the back burner, it's on the counter getting cold. I think I've worked on this post 5 or 6 different times in minute increments) So maybe this post can help anyone who is making this transition! I had been told many of these things before, but true to my stubborn personality, I really just needed to learn them through experience to believe them. I love writing about what I learn and don't presume to teach you anything you don't already know!  Anyway here are the things I've learned in the first six months of having two kids, two boys, almost exactly two years apart..... 1) I have a lot to learn. (See below) 2) Do things ...

Above is pictured the camera roll on my phone. And if you follow me on Instagram it looks about the same! I could look at and photograph these faces all day. But why? I've lost count of the complaints or expressions of bewilderment from people who see all of these young parents like myself as we obsessively post picture after picture. Sometimes they will wrongfully take their bewilderment to the next level of judgment, looking down on us babymakers as overly sentimental, mentally ill, etc. etc... And usually these bewildered or annoyed friends are not yet parents.  So this blog post is for you, my dear non-parent friends! :) I know you think what you want of this crazy photo-diarrhea, but what I see here is a vast difference in worldview that I might try to reconcile in my writing here!  See, there is a fundamental shift that occurs on the day you become a parent, whether biologically or not. It came crashing down on me all at once on December 14th, 2011, the day I had a Cesar...

A few disclaimers: This is choppy and has typos because I wrote it when I was pretty sleep-deprived and over the period of a week. This also mentions female parts of the body (it starts with a V!! oh noo!!). I also put in pictures of the actual birth (taken by Jami, my doula!) and no private parts - Jase coming out bloody and part of my leg is all you will see. If these things could be offensive to you, that's your problem since I warned you ;)  Lastly though I am thankful to have a VBAC I am not so militant about VBAC to the point where I think all women who have had C-sections should try. I am all for women having the facts and making their own decisions that is best for them . In fact, I nearly scheduled a repeat cesarean the day before the induction. Ok now that I've gone to great pains to not offend anyone I'll actually get to my story! ---- Jase Emmanuel Guthrie was born December 31st at 12:17 AM weighing 8lbs 12.9oz and was 22 inches long. I was 42 weeks along...

My waking thoughts at 5:30 this morning definitely involved fretting. (If you have to ask why a woman who is 11 days past due is up that early, then you be clueless :)). At this point every day feels like a week. I have tried every natural induction method under the sun to induce labor. It's not without effort and striving and changing providers mid-pregnancy and sort of at the end, and reading and writing here,  that I've been able to get to 11 days overdue without the pressure to be sectioned. I never understood until now the kind of raw brokenness and dependence upon God that a woman like me needs when she is this  overdue with a baby and waiting a trial of labor after cesarean. I have never before felt so helpless, vulnerable, disappointed in myself and my body, and discouraged. I'm finally at the point where I've done ALL I can and I hold it before God with an open palm and let Him do what He may. He wants good things for me cuz He's a good God, and tha...